By Miriam Stansbury
Family is supposed to be our safety net. But what happens when they become part of a pattern that keeps everyone stuck?
In And the Herd…: Learning to Say No in an Enabling Codependent Family, local author Christine Jarrett takes readers into the complicated reality of growing up in a household shaped by addiction, dysfunction and the painful consequences of putting one family member’s needs ahead of everyone else’s.
This is not a tidy tale of family disagreements resolved over Sunday dinner. Jarrett shares a personal account of a mother whose attention centers on her addicted sons, leaving her daughters to navigate the emotional fallout. Against that backdrop, three sisters develop a bond that becomes a source of protection and strength as they work to build healthier lives for themselves and their children.
The book’s title draws on the behavior of elephants, whose herds gather around vulnerable members to protect them. It is a fitting metaphor for the sisters’ relationship, and a reminder that family loyalty can mean standing together while also recognizing when a pattern must end.
Jarrett’s story explores the difficult business of setting boundaries, stepping away from codependent relationships and figuring out who you are outside of the roles you have played for years. For adult children who have spent decades trying to keep the peace, or parents and grandparents concerned about the family dynamics being passed to another generation, the subject may hit close to home.
The takeaway is not that family ties should be discarded when life gets messy. It is that love does not require sacrificing your own well-being to keep someone else comfortable. Sometimes, caring for the people you love begins with saying no and learning that you are allowed to have a life of your own.
For readers who appreciate honest memoirs about family relationships, personal boundaries and the work of changing long-established patterns, Jarrett offers a perspective worth considering.
