By Jefferson Fisher
Protecting your peace takes real effort these days. Getting older gives us permission to control situations and emotions. But what do you do when someone says something to you that you know is meant to hurt you, disguised with an “LOL” emoji?
Don’t take the bait.
Mean comments are often less about you and more about what the other person is trying to accomplish. They may want a reaction, control the conversation, embarrass you or make themselves feel bigger. You don’t have to participate.
Before you respond, pause. A few seconds can keep you from saying something you’ll regret. Then decide: Does this deserve my energy?
Sometimes the strongest response is no response at all. A look, a pause or walking away can say more than a perfectly crafted comeback ever could.
If you do respond, keep it short and calm. Try: “That was unnecessary.” Or: “I’m not going to have a conversation like that.” You don’t need to defend yourself, explain your worth or prove that they’re wrong.
And here’s the important part: don’t confuse being calm with being weak. Anyone can react. It takes self-control to choose your response.
You also don’t have to win the exchange. Your goal isn’t to get the last word. Your goal is to keep the other person’s behavior from changing who you are.
Some people will keep pushing because they’ve learned that pushing gets a reaction. When you stop giving them one, you’ve changed the rules.
Remember: You don’t control what someone says. You control what gets access to your peace.
Sometimes not responding or walking away isn’t losing the argument.
It’s refusing to have one.
Jefferson Fisher is a board-certified trial attorney, author, keynote speaker and communication expert who has built a global following by helping people communicate with greater confidence and clarity. Follow his practical communication advice at JeffersonFisher.com, or find him on social media as @jeffersonfisher.
